Do I trust you LORD ?

I woke up today feeling sluggish and defeated. My heart beats faster and my mind aimlessly wanders about my not so distant past. Not too long ago I had a nice home, a great career, surrounded by loving family and friends and plenty of comfort.
I can almost audibly hear someone telling me "you shouldn't have left for GOD has forgotten you." I wept deeply and felt the agony of where I am at the moment. Feeling sorry for myself.
I opened the scriptures and read the the book of Exodus.
It is so easy to gloss over the content of the word sometimes because we are vastly separated by time. Today I kinda understand what the israelites must have been feeling when they were complaining to Moses about leaving the comforts of life in Egypt, roaming the wild desert and impatiently waiting for GOD to bring them to the promised land. "You brought us here to die"some israelites said to Moses.
I guess my greatest fear is that if this thing does not materialize then everything that I have worked for will turn to ashes. I have placed everything that I am and everything that we have in doing what GOD called us to do here in Boracay. We risked it all for what GOD has laid in our hearts and today I feel that I am aimlessly wandering in the desert.Feeling left out and failed.
I went for a walk and listened to my MP3 to sooth my spirit. I can feel that the spiritual battle is building up and I have to constantly meditate on GOD's word and HIS promises. I am physically shaking yet constantly singing the goodness of GOD. Sometimes I feel that I cannot hang on any longer but I believe that GOD is hanging on to me.
I went to bed and and found myself singing I surrender all.
I Surrender All

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay
down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise


Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all

For the last 11 years, I have preached the great news of the word of GOD. Telling immeasurable stories of how GOD came through in spite of imminent danger and impossible situations and how faithful GOD is and that you can take him for HIS word. I have sang many a song like All to Jesus I surrender, Take my life and let it be, Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. I know my doctrine and theology but this time there is only one thing that I need to know."Do I trust you, LORD?"
I will trust you LORD and this moment has no turning back, it is a full commitment even in the midst of fear and trepidation.Putting my all in your mighty hands and not leaning on my own understanding.Believing that whatever happens, you know best.